


Beneath your beautiful

by yourlionheartx



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-06
Updated: 2013-03-06
Packaged: 2017-12-04 12:22:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/710733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourlionheartx/pseuds/yourlionheartx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is slowly breaking, and it's getting hard for everyone to witness<br/>A/N: You can imagine whoever you like is narrating this. I wrote it as someone in particular, but it's open for interpretation. </p>
<p>
  <i>Behind your Broadway show<br/>I heard a voice say please don't hurt me </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beneath your beautiful

Louis, as the oldest out of the two of them, as always been the one who looks out for Harry. I mean, we all look out for him really, because although he behaves ten years older than he is a lot of the time (and sometimes I honestly think he's the most mature out of us all) he's still the baby of the group, and that won't change. He also has to put up with the most shit, and I really admire him for coping with it all and still smiling. As a couple, Louis guides Harry, or that's what he's always thought. It's what we all thought until recently. In the past few months it's become obvious that Louis isn't really in control of anything. It's actually Harry who's holding him up.

Harry has always had this way of knowing exactly how a person feels just by glancing at them, which is obviously a total pain in the ass when you're trying to hide something from him. He understands people. He analyses every twitch of a finger, every flash of a smile. 

“You're sad,” he says off handedly to Louis one day as we're all sat in the back of a car, taking us god knows where to do an interview for some television or radio show (it's all become quite a blur by now, we just go where we're told). 

Louis looks up, his eyes wide for a moment before attempting to fake an expression that doesn't give away what he's feeling.

“I'm fine Harry,” he mutters, leaning his head against the cold glass window and letting his eyes slip closed. 

We're all working hard to make Louis smile again, to see him dart around the room with a wide grin, imitating that real life Peter Pan character that we're beginning to really miss. Someone from PR or management has logged into Louis's Twitter account again and said things Louis wouldn't ever dream of uttering. He doesn't want to talk about it. I invite him to my place, and he tries to decline the offer, but Harry persuades him, even managing to draw out a smile from Louis, a smile that looks foreign on Louis's face. Harry once said to Louis, your smile is all I ever need to see, it makes me certain that things will work out. Louis had replied by saying he would make sure to smile a lot more, but it's been so long since that moment, and so long since we saw a genuine smile on Louis's lips. 

They lie together on the sofa, Harry squeezing Louis's fingers, and I feel we're almost intruding on them even though we're in my flat and watching my television. Harry whispers You're so special to me, I love you to much. I can't help but glance over and feel my chest tighten, seeing Louis's head on his boy friends chest and Harry's hand in his hair. Louis is the oldest one in the band, and people seem to think that makes him the strongest, but I think there's only so much one person can go through. 

I remember being in the room when Louis agreed that keeping his sexuality a secret was a good idea, and he had held Harry's hand. No one could have missed the look of doubt on Harry's face as Louis made the decision for him. Louis was the responsible one, he was just doing what was right for them all. 

And now Harry kisses Louis's temple and whispers into his ear, and the grip Louis has on Harry's t shirt is so tight I can see his knuckles turn white. Why shouldn't their love be shouted about? I didn't understand what was happening when we signed the deal and Louis and Harry signed away their right to love each other in public. The whole day had been a blur (just we're getting a record deal, and all my dreams are coming true), but now I would do anything to go back and just say stop, just be in love. We'll do this on our own. The fans will love us any way. 

Louis is so tired, and everyone is constantly worried about him. His weight falls rapidly, so that he seems to shrink back into the background of group photos and interviews, his eyes on the floor and the make up people tutting over the effort it takes to cover the dark circles under his eyes. When people ask him what's wrong he can't just tell them, it's the pressure of the lies and the pain of love, and his own self hatred battling within in. Every time he forces a smile onto his face and just says nothing, I'm fine. 

Love is never simple, but love shouldn't hurt this much. When Harry whispers the three words to Louis, Louis shouldn't react with a hitch in his breath and a quiet sob that he thinks the rest of us don't hear. 

“I love you too,” he replies, his voice shaking. 

I have to go outside to be able to breathe, my whole body is aching as I struggle to my feet. 

I gasp in the cold air, seeing my breath coming out like smoke in the space in front of me. All we can do is hope it will get better, hope that love really is a strong enough force to overcome this. Louis clings to Harry like a lifeboat, and he can't let go and drown in this feeling of helplessness and loneliness, because once he gets there it's going to be near impossible to find his way back to the surface and breathe. 

In the front room, Louis whispers to Harry,

“Thank you.”

Harry kisses him, and then moves back to look at Louis's face, that intense look in his eyes as he tells Louis,

“It's going to be okay, I promise.”

He tries not to let his voice waver as he watches Louis smile up at him, and he hopes that his voice sounds more confident than he feels, because tomorrow it's back to publicity stunts and lies, and Harry needs to keep his head up. Above all, he needs to stay strong for Louis; he can't let him go. For now all they can do is hope.


End file.
